


Kiss On the Arm

by Jamiejamesd



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Canon Era, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Cutting, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Heavy Angst, Levi/Eren Yeager-centric, M/M, Not as sad as it seems, POV Eren Yeager, POV First Person, Suicidal Thoughts, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:07:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamiejamesd/pseuds/Jamiejamesd
Summary: Eren just wants to hurt. Maybe someone else has some experience with that and wants to help.





	Kiss On the Arm

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags!!! This fic could be very triggering to someone. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the fic! Please don't kill me.  
> (Also happy Pride Month!)

I just wanted it to hurt. To punish myself for the monstrosity that I am. I wanted to die, but couldn't do it myself, not with everyone counting on me. If I died what would Mikasa or Armin think? What would happen to the world? To the titans? So no, I can't kill myself, but I can be in pain. That I am good at.

That's what I thought during the war. I would cut my arms and legs, and watch as blood dripped down and steam rose up. I had perfected not turning into a titan. It was easy really since I was already so numb. Not thinking was too easy. No one knew since it never left a scar, but sometimes I wished it did. I wished that someone had noticed sooner, had made me stop sooner. I had started cutting deeper so that it took longer to heal. I was lucky someone even wanted to help someone like me.

It had left me tired and weak to where people were noticing. My excuse was I wasn't getting sleep in the cold dungeon. So they moved me to a new room but kept me chained to the bed. It was nice, but it didn't help my exhaustion. I slept as long as I could, but that didn't help either. I barely had enough strength to open my eyes every day. 

Armin noticed the signs first. He said he noticed how my eyes were glazed over and I didn't have that anger or drive anymore. I no longer yelled at anyone who would listen about how I would kill all the titans. I didn't ever yell. If the topic was brought up I would be silent. I got so much quieter that even Jean noticed. I stopped fighting with him. I barely ate or drank. I moved slowly, staring blanking ahead or at the ground. I never smiled. 

They said that I was becoming like Levi. That I was trying to copy him. He noticed too. He would give me these odd looks, glancing at my arms. I thought that maybe he knew, but if he did, why hadn't he said anything. I did try to fake it, and I succeeded for a long time. Mikasa stopped pushing and asking if I was ok, and Armin stopped hovering around me. 

Levi didn't stop though. He did the opposite. He got closer, pushed me, kept asking if I was ok. It was so strange to seem him like this. It was like he knew I was faking the smile, the anger. 

It wasn't until the day that he found me in a pool of blood with my arm hanging off that he told me about himself. He said that he knew. I was shocked honestly. He told me how he knew because he did it himself. He pulled up his sleeve to show my his arm full of scars, and called me a lucky bastard for healing so fast. 

He took me to Hanji who fixed up my arm so it could heal properly and took me back to my room. Told me to sleep the rest of the day. He didn't leave though. He just pulled up a chair and sat beside me. 

After that I wasn't aloud near anything sharp unless I was training or on a mission. Levi made sure I wasn't hurting myself. It was kind of him now that it hunk of it, but I was so angry at him then. I wasn't going to kill myself. I just needed the pain. 

When I carved the sharp blade against my skin he would take me on a run. He made sure that I was exhausted when we were done. Then he lead me back to my room, kissed my arm and told me to sleep. I knew what he was trying to say. 

After months like that I learned to run when I felt like I needed to cut. I would always go to Levi after though, and he would gently take my arm and place a soft kiss on my forearm. Then I would go to bed to sleep. 

One day I after a run I walked in on him with a blade in his hand and blood running down his arm. He looked relieved and didn't even notice I had come in. I walked over quietly and bandaged his arm. He looked up at me with tired eyes. I nodded and placed a soft kiss on his arm. Then I pulled him into bed and held him until he fell asleep. 

We got into a routine. We would stay together on nights when one of us needed the other. Soon most of my clothes were in his room. We never talked about it, but I was quickly spending every night there. Not because I wanted to cut, or he did, but because when we were with each other, we didn't want to. 

We never talked about dating. He would smile at me briefly in public, and kiss me in private. We would push hands in public, and cuddle as close as we could in private. People knew of course, but no one ever said anything. Mikasa glared for awhile, but eventually accepted him. Armin grinned and nudged me whenever Levi was around. 

After a few years, and many battles I knew that if we survived this war, we would stay together. I knew that I loved him, and he loved me. I knew from the soft kisses on my arms, and on my lips. From the small smiles, and soft touches. From the way he would hold me. 

I knew that we would have a small house near the ocean. Mikasa and Armin may live close by of they choose to. If not, we could always travel to see them. Hanji would come over and wreak havoc, but make us both smile. We would live the life we want to. 

And we are. 


End file.
